For years I've had a rather negative view of marriage. Most people who know me know that I'm a Christian. My father is a Baptist preacher. When I was growing up, he was the strictest variety of Baptist it was possible, to be. I've talked about the rules in the household on here before, so I won't rehash them. My parents marriage failed...badly. They were the epitome of everything I have come to hate in a marriage. Even though both are married to other people now, and those relationships appear relatively strong, I still don't approve of either of their approaches to marriage.
My father's wife is a very nice woman. She cooks, cleans, works, does yard work, smiles, and has perfect hair and makeup. Although I am sure she has a brain in her head, (she couldn't do all the things she does without one) she clearly doesn't use it to make decisions about anything major in her life. She always relinquishes control of that to my father. They are both in fairly bad health, thus they are in very deep debt from medical bills.
My mother's husband is, well, he's rather interesting. His name is Dink. He can make almost anything. Just give him some duct tape, wire, and a lawnmower motor and you'd be surprised what you'll get with it. He's not intellectual, but he has a lot of practicality. In the last few years, Dink has had some health problems, including a tumor in his head that had to be removed
My parents are rather well matched to their relative spouses. Over all, my father's marriage seems happier, as his wife is passive, and obedient. Those of you who know me can already see my problem with this...
Obedience isn't a quality I wish to exhibt toward a husband. I have recently been in a very long conversation with a friend whom I have known for years who just couldn't understand why I didn't see the necessity of having the husband the head of the household. His argument is that no structure can hold if there are two people in authority. He used the government as an example. "The President," he said "listens to his advisors, but then has to make a decision for the good of the country." I quickly pointed out to him that by using the government as an example, he has then put his wife on the same level as the children, and I didn't think I would want to be in a relationship with someone who viewed me as a child.
This conversation started because he wanted to know if I would have a close relationship with someone who did not have a good, close relationship with God. I retorted that I will have a close relationship with someone who treats me as completely equal, and that there are very few Christian men who actually understand equality, much less practice it. Of course, he claimed to practice it, but then negated it by the above argument (among others, I just particularly liked that one).
So, it's not necessarily marriage that I am against. It's the idea that from my upbringing, I've been trained to believe that marriage cannot work unless I'm a subservient, good little wife. Since I have no delusions as to how subservient I am not, I have come to the conclusion that marriage is not something I should try.
I have now come to the conclusion, that instead of viewing marriage as something that is negative, I should just refocus my disapproval onto the real issue and not ever consider someone who would treat me as if i were less in any way.
My father's wife is a very nice woman. She cooks, cleans, works, does yard work, smiles, and has perfect hair and makeup. Although I am sure she has a brain in her head, (she couldn't do all the things she does without one) she clearly doesn't use it to make decisions about anything major in her life. She always relinquishes control of that to my father. They are both in fairly bad health, thus they are in very deep debt from medical bills.
My mother's husband is, well, he's rather interesting. His name is Dink. He can make almost anything. Just give him some duct tape, wire, and a lawnmower motor and you'd be surprised what you'll get with it. He's not intellectual, but he has a lot of practicality. In the last few years, Dink has had some health problems, including a tumor in his head that had to be removed
My parents are rather well matched to their relative spouses. Over all, my father's marriage seems happier, as his wife is passive, and obedient. Those of you who know me can already see my problem with this...
Obedience isn't a quality I wish to exhibt toward a husband. I have recently been in a very long conversation with a friend whom I have known for years who just couldn't understand why I didn't see the necessity of having the husband the head of the household. His argument is that no structure can hold if there are two people in authority. He used the government as an example. "The President," he said "listens to his advisors, but then has to make a decision for the good of the country." I quickly pointed out to him that by using the government as an example, he has then put his wife on the same level as the children, and I didn't think I would want to be in a relationship with someone who viewed me as a child.
This conversation started because he wanted to know if I would have a close relationship with someone who did not have a good, close relationship with God. I retorted that I will have a close relationship with someone who treats me as completely equal, and that there are very few Christian men who actually understand equality, much less practice it. Of course, he claimed to practice it, but then negated it by the above argument (among others, I just particularly liked that one).
So, it's not necessarily marriage that I am against. It's the idea that from my upbringing, I've been trained to believe that marriage cannot work unless I'm a subservient, good little wife. Since I have no delusions as to how subservient I am not, I have come to the conclusion that marriage is not something I should try.
I have now come to the conclusion, that instead of viewing marriage as something that is negative, I should just refocus my disapproval onto the real issue and not ever consider someone who would treat me as if i were less in any way.
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