Maybe sometimes I just don't think about what has happened in relation to where I am now. In some ways I look back and wonder if I seemed as messed up as I felt. I'm sure I did, but it was all numb then. I just found the letter that Troy wrote to me before his suicide. That was hard. I also find the one he wrote to me just before that. He sounded so happy. I miss him.

I feel better. I love my job. There are other things happening that are hard, but I really haven't talked about them to many people. Seems sort of pointless to keep babbling sometimes. But all in all, it's not as hard as it was last year.

It's getting better.