I tried to put some pictures of me and my kitty cat up on here, but for some reason I can't. I guess I'll try to do it from home instead of wasting my time here at work.

I've had a cold for a few days and when I get a cold I do it right. I get really really sick very suddenly. But I went to my mommy's last night and got potato soup and that will make it all better.

I'll try to do the pictures at home later.

Holiday time is a frantic, overproduced, volatile, mess of a time where everyone is buying things that no one needs for people that they rarely talk to the rest of the year...

Ok, maybe the blanket statement is a bit over the top, but still. A lot of it holds true.

I have to go next week to buy a present for my father. I don't talk to my father unless I have to. I don't like him much and he doesn't understand me. His wife doesn't like me at all, and I think she's the one the book Stepford Wives was based upon. I don't want to buy presents for either because they don't actually need anything other than to have their medical bills paid off and I couldn't put a dent in that. I don't know them well enough to know what they want, and I really have no desire to get to know them better.

They ask me every year what I want for Christmas, and for some reason never understand that NO REALLY... I JUST want the money. I can get more use out of the cash than I can out of some present that my step mother picks out that doesn't suit my personality, or taste for that matter.

/sigh I love to go Christmas shopping... but I love it for people who matter to me... People who appreciate that I actually put thought into it. Even if I just get a gift certificate for someone... I've thought about where I'm getting the certificate, and have a reason that they don't get things... Some people DO just get money, but sometimes, that's what you need.

I had to explain the reasoning behind using gift money for bills, and other necessities recently. I think the best explanation I was able to succinctly make is this: What good is it to have what you want when you don't have what you need? Maybe some people don't see it this way, but I do. I've always had money trouble, and Christmas is a nice time of year when people give me money and it helps with getting myself out of the ruts that have accumulated over the year... thus, it gives me peace of mind, which is something I very much want... SO, that $50 that goes to pay off my utility bill, or to buy a new tire for my car, or to buy gas for the next two weeks... Yes, that's what I want. I want to not worry about whether or not I have groceries, or gas, or utilities, or rent or all those things that are necessary for living. I want to take an afternoon off and not feel guilty because I don't have the money for that. I feel a little strongly about it. I think if you are going to give someone money for something, you shouldn't dictate how they spend it. It's a gift. If you wanted to get me a "thing" you should have gotten a "thing." But you know... I really don't need "things."

Just keep that in mind if you give out cash for the holidays... sometimes what someone wants most is to not need...

Ok, so I didn't get to the poetry this week. But Brisa got one of the websites almost done, so that's good. I just hope it can get all the way done by tomorrow. BIG load off my mind.

I'll try to get something done with the poetry this weekend.

I've decided to take up knitting. I don't know why, it just seems like the thing to do. Unfortunately there seems to be a run on knitting needles in the town where I live. I went to Wal-mart, and 4 craft stores and didn't find needles that I wanted to pay that much for.... BUT Brian's gramma had a bunch, so I can use those.

This makes me happy.

Ok, I don't know that I'm going to get to the poetry this week. But I'm still thinking about it at least. It's just been very busy.

In good news, my counselor is back to work now. After being told that she was not having seizures, even though a good many people have seen her actually have them, they finally figured out that she was indeed having seizures. Apparently it's a very rare form of them that is not easily identifiable. But at least she's back now.

It's amazing to me that with all the advanced technology and a test for every kind of ailment contractable, that it took them so long to find it. I think at one point, the doctor said "You aren't having seizures." and she said "So, what do you call it when you black out, can't control the motion of your arms and legs, and lay there and shake and flail about?" Good question. Really, how would one explain that, if not by the definition of a seizure.

With the end of the year coming up, work is going a little strangely. Very, ridiculously busy one minute and then nothing at all to do the next. /sigh oh well... such is life.

Wow! It's been a week.

I don't know that there's much of a way to describe it and most of it is too personal to go into anyway. But it's over.

I think the best way to describe what happens to me is that occasionally my life explodes. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it can get really bad. Last year was an example. (See September through January, or so in the archives.) It's not completely over yet, but now it's more personal.

Sometimes you just have to move on.

Not having much more to say about that, I will promise more poetry again. I'm going to try my best to get some on here this week. You all can complain if I don't.