Upon preparing for my trip, I discover that I need a new master cylinder, a new inner tie rod for the front passenger side of my car, new tires, an alignment, and a cell phone. The cell phone wasn't really a discovery, but it went well in the sentence. The master cylinder was replaced while Jessica and I went to Minnesota. $95. The tires were replaced last week. $130. I went to get the alignment done yesterday which was when I discovered that I need a new tie rod. That will have to be done Monday $180 (Tie rod and alignment combined.)

That leaves the cell phone. I'm not very good at math, but at first glance I can say that I've already spent $300 on my car, which means that I really don't have THAT much left to spend on getting ready for this trip. The plans for a cell phone cost around $29.99 a month, and the phones are fairly cheap, if not free, so I was pretty sure I could get this all accomplished fairly quickly. They do a credit check to see if there will be a deposit. I know there will be a deposit because I know I have bad credit for a few different reasons, some of those reasons my fault, some of them NOT my fault. However, I didn't expect the deposit to be $400 at one place and $750 at another. So, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get a cell phone for my trip, which is going to be a problem.

/sigh I hate planning

/cheer A day off. What do I do...sit around and relax like a normal person? No, no, no. Can't do that 'maworkaholic. I cleaned out my car, went grocery shopping to get enough food for my roomate to live on while I go on my other trip. Sorted all the back mail that has been sitting on top of my entertainment center for the last 4 months or so. Sent off to get consolidation paperwork for my student loans....$18,000 in student loans...eeeeeek!!! And now I'm off to do laundry and clean more rooms in my house.

Maybe I'll rest on my trip!

Apparently, I'm mentally unstable. Of course, that comes as no surprise to some of you....

Which Sylvia Plath Poem Am I?

by scintilla

Update on the search for a Graduate School

I took a trip to Minnesota where I got to meet a friend from Everquest. It was great. My best friend and I traveled together. Thank God she has a good car. We looked at Minnesota State University in Mankato, Minnesota. And University of Minnesota and Hamline College, both in Minneapolis. I really liked Minnesota State.

Thus far, the top choices in order of preference are:

Syracuse
Minnesota State University
Sarah Lawrence
Long Island University at Southampton

However, I still have about 12 more schools to look at. /sigh It's a very long process.

So, here you have it, this months installment of poetry. Feel free to comment or not, but enjoy.

I loved you
And when you smiled, I cried
Everything in the world came together in a moment
Dug a hole
I crawled inside to hide
The wound sealed with
Me inside
Everything in the world went off to find
Another hole to dig
Another heart to hide
Everything in the world moved away from me
And the tunnel
I was slowly digging

Word by Word, Line by Line Answering Your Questions with More

And Finally defining my “They”

When poetry doesn’t come, I write letters. I think they’d rather have the poetry


Letters imply dissatisfaction, petulance, disappointment. They look over the words trying to find the hole in the logic just as my parents did years ago.


Curious, peering, waiting for the slip that implies no fault of their own. Angry when it isn’t found.

Letters—biting and occasionally brutal with no chance at correction…no desire for it.

Logic—wielded in a pen with no remorse. Unforgiving. Minutely detailed. Flawless.

Letters to my soul as well as to theirs. Reaching into a mind at random and exploding it with thought—the being. Driving through disappointment and regret with no apology, no remorse, no anger.

Stylized to be infuriatingly impeccable, frustratingly insightful, forebodingly precise, inevitably correct.

Letters very nice and very accurate. Letters without the peace of poetry—without the hum of cadence.

I think I might start posting poetry on my blog once a month. If this is something that people would like to see, let me know. I never really know if I should continue to subject people to it, because what I think is good, may not be good to somone else.

I suffer from the artists curse of self-doubt. I am willing to try to put that doubt on hold if others would like to see more of my work. I have a lot of it.

I suppose changes come to everyone's life at some point. A few years ago, most people who knew me would say that change was more a part of my life than monotony. Actually, for the most part, that still applies. My life in general is usually in upheaval. My one stability is work. And even that really isn't all that stable. I just always know I'm doing it.

Right now, most people are of the opinion that I'm doing too much. This week I worked about 72 hours. Of course, this week is an oddity. It's mother's day and I will be working at the flowershop extra hours. Next week I go back to my normal 64 per week. Granted that's a lot. Sometimes too much, and I work 7 days a week. (somewhere in the back of my mind Mrs. White's speech "And I works Seven Days A Week. Seven LONG 'ard days with NO rest for me weary bones, me weary muscles....etc") (Mrs. White being my part in the play I just did.)

I'm digressing....
Change, Ah yes...Change
It's good, sometimes. Sometimes it's not. Even when you know that the change is ultimately for the better, it's still hard to give up something that one has had for years. Be it, a habit, a routine, or a relationship, relinquishing something, that has been a part of one's life can feel devastating. Regardless of looking at the logical ramifications of the situation, and recognizing that the outcome will be better for all concerned if the change is made, the pain involved in the process is overwhelming.

Between losing something that has been very dear, and learning to refocus the energy one once spent on that something, the world often feels upside down.

I'm happy to see that even here, I may be able to find the path to the writing cottage.

This is one of those days when I should have plenty to say. I have input. I have life to place into words. I have teens growing into adulthood under my guidance. I have knowledge to impart, events to relate, life to muse upon. The world opens with all sorts of subjects to flow from my fingertips onto my screen and through the lines to your screen, but somehow, in this process, the subjects stall right behind the input acceptors before they get to the processing center of my brain.

The beauty registers, the pain registers, all the informations traipses through the brain at a leisurely pace, choosing to remain, at this place or that for an indefinite period of time, wandering about with no goal. Wondering about the other input. When did it get there, what is it doing, what does it mean. Never reaching the place where it's supposed to go where it will be useful, and often stopping anything else from reaching the intended destinations as well.

So I sit, useless. Wondering if I will be able to think coherently when I'm not working so much, or when I'm sleeping more. Wondering if I will be able to once again put pen to paper, or hand to keyboard and weave the words into the patterns I once had. Wondering if I will write....the way I'm supposed to...

Clue the Musical has had its final show. We did our last show last night, and it went rather well. I enjoyed it, but I'm now completely exhausted. Next up is Mother's day weekend. A flower holiday almost equivalent to Valentines day. Busy busy busy again.

And now for another link to pages I like. This one might require explanation. My friend does work in Poser. The characters he creates are all comic book style characters, so expect the boobs to be big, etc. But in my opinion, the pictures are very good. Since he's a writer and an artist, honest feedback is always appreciated. I'll try to get a place where feedback would be more convenient, but until then, please feel free to post it here.

Guardian Matrix

Sometimes a game mirrors life. You spend time and effort to gain experience, or points, and in a few seconds, sometimes through no fault of your own, you lose all of it. You have to start from scratch, re-evaluate your strategy, and spend more time and effort to reach toward your goal.

The world spins around you. You spin with it. The dizzying process of life and experience eats away at your spirit, sometimes leaving you feeling empty and used, and useless. You have to examine your life, start from scratch, re-evaluate your strategy and start again.

It is often said that life isn’t a dress rehearsal, and while this is certainly not true, there are certain things that one can do retakes on. There is no doubt that the world offers opportunity to further oneself in education, and employment. Being a career student is not necessarily a bad thing to be…I guess. No one ever said your first romance had to be the right one (Thank God!!).

The seasons change, and life moves on. We are all changed bit by bit, or leap by leap. We go to work, we come home. We sleep, sometimes, we go to school, sometimes. We go to work again and come home again. Through out all this we learn who we are, what we are and more importantly, what we are not.

We spend time and effort, make mistakes, lose everything we have worked for, and once again have to start from scratch.

I would like to add right margin menus to my page, but I don't know how to do it. I could probably take some time and figure it out, but I don't have a while lot of time. So, instead, I will take this time to put in links to pages I like to visit, and maybe some of you will enjoy them as well.

Chiral Fox
Lisa, the Shorter
Jessica