There are words disconnected in my head that make complete sense to me, but are not flowing into coherent thought—Distant voices of thunder and bits of lightning dramatic, but not illuminating. Each day they become more distant and in the struggle to hold on to one, I lose another like catching spiderwebs. They stick to me, but are a nuisance in intangible sticky slipperiness—breaking off at the slightest touch and bits and pieces floating away.

If I could just throw them all up in the air and watch them float to the ground, copy the pattern to the page, perhaps I could capture the image… but I think I would have to catch them first.

I wrote a very pretty and oddish blog entry about thunder and how I should write more about it the other day... Blogger ate it, so I've been upset at them.

It's been a long month and I've been sort of busy. The new responsibilities at my job and the absence of the responsibilities that I wanted are taxing.

As of Monday, the closer that I really like working with is going to a different office for 2 weeks and I'll be working with the other closer. I like the one who is staying, but she is a little difficult for me to work with. She tends to do everything herself, and then get upset when I don't have things done. If she would tell me what needed to be done I would do it, but she doesn't, so I don't and it's very frustrating.

I will write more about thunder later.

And lightning

and rending skies...

It's very dreary out today. The rain is falling and the sky is a dull gray. It makes me sleepy.

I feel very disconnected of late. I think it's not so much that I'm depressed as that I'm tired and need more rest. I feel almost like I'm floating and being pulled in whichever direction is necessary to fulfill the need that has opened at that point. Something tells me that's not necessarily healthy.

I feel myself growing stagnant again... for several reasons really--The busy busy-ness of my life, the sudden excess of people around me, the overwhelming responsibilities at work. Each stone building on the one before.

There was a lot of talk about stoning in the Bible. I think some people have a distorted idea of what it really was. During a stoning, the accused and convicted would be put in a pit and the executors would stand on the edges and pitch stones of varying sizes at them. Most of the time this was an execution. How lucky it would be to catch one to the head right off the bat and be unconscious for most of the event.

It is the official beginning of a new month. My birth month, actually. I will be 31 in a few weeks. Last year was too busy for me to have a birthday in October, so I decided to let it be in November. Some of my friends were a little confused by this, but then a few just nodded and went on, as is usually best to do where I am concerned.

I want to make things...

I have no supplies in hand to do so, and that annoys me. I want to create and fold and paint and sew and construct, and ... /sigh I can't at the moment. I did photo last night. I took an odd picture that I will be using for something at some point. I took 2 polaroids, actually and manipulated one of them. I should find a site on polaroid manipulation and cite it here, but I'm too tired or too lazy to find one right. Perhaps someone would look for me..... I bet I know who will put one up here first....

This month will be better than last, I've decided. I'm going to be less stressed and more calm and focused on the things I need to do.

Goodnight everyone, and enjoy your new month!!